The Power of "No"

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary the definition of the word “no” is“ used as a function word to express the negative of an alternative choice or possibility.” Rather a simple definition of one of the smallest, and yet, one of the most powerful words in our English language. We use and misuse this word on a regular basis so we’ll take this time to visit about “the power of no."

Several years ago when I was in Wichita one of my agents came forward with a request I knew couldn’t be complied with so I told him no. In the next few weeks he would alter the request slightly and come back repeatedly. After several encounters I replied “what part of no don’t you understand?” Years later when Lorrie Morgan recorded the song “What Part of No “ I felt I might have missed a great opportunity! Truth is my agent understood “no” he just didn’t want to accept that answer.

One of the real powers of the word no is to know when to use it and then sticking by the decision. Parenting is one of the places where misuse of the word occurs regularly. We can vary from saying no too often to saying no and having our children work their way to yes by playing their parents against each other. At other times children just use the method of keeping at it until they get their way.

When we moved to Winfield in 1976 I had a brand new experience. I had never been involved in a community before and soon found myself member of many civic organizations. All were good, but ultimately I had to learn to limit myself by invoking the power of no. The process took some time but eventually I could balance work, family, church, and community involvement. No had become my friend.

In sales one of the biggest obstacles to overcome is the fear of rejection. Trainers try to remove or reduce this fear by convincing sales people the customer is not rejecting them, but they are rejecting the product. However, the sting of “no” would still remain.

My mentor Paul Hutsey had the most convincing take on dealing with no. He regularly would remind us that with every no we were closer to the next yes. So then we could handle the noes while working toward the yeses that would spell success. That idea fit well with his basic concept that to be successful in sales we had to be willing to fail (take no) 90% of the time. The worst thing that could happen is not to ask because then nothing will happen. When you ask the door of possibility opens for the next yes!

The Test of Time

The month of December brings a lot of thought about time. We set resolutions that usually don’t make it through January. We think about getting things accomplished before the end of the year. We also set strategies about having a fast start and a good 2016. The thought for me ending this year has been “the test of time.”

Over the years I’ve seen a lot of fast starts and few, whether in business, church, or school that stand ”the test of time.” Many start with best of intentions but for whatever reason don’t follow through and complete what they start. For every Miguel Cabrera there are many, many baseball players who only have a one or two, or at best a few good years. For every Peyton Manning there are many quarterbacks that have short careers. The same is true in our day to day lives.

In the months surrounding the start of my insurance career half a dozen young agents were hired. We all took the same training from the same trainers but achieved far differing results. Most of them were more productive that I was in those early days. However, one- by-one they went on to other pursuits and eventually I was the only person of the group to end up with a long insurance career.

So then, the question becomes what are the attributes that yield results that stand “the test of time?” These attribute would be true whatever the area of endeavor. Certainly an important attribute would be that of focus. Knowing what we want to do. My manager Paul Hutsey often said that making the decision what we want was often more difficult than accomplishing the task.

My former partner Russ Larsen used to talk about the importance of “staying hitched” or staying with what we start. Life offers so many opportunities and some other venture often looks better (the grass always looks better on the other side of the fence). So the need is to re-focus and stay on the track. Success in any venture is accomplished by those who try and keep trying!

When we have focused and determined to stay with the course it becomes important to have a long term vision of where we want to go with our life or career choice. Often when things don’t go our way right away we lose our focus. So much of the time short term failure causes many to change their course. We avoid this by continuing growth towards our goals. Training, continuing education, and experiences move us towards greater proficiency and sustainability. Those who stand “the test of time” keep their eyes on the prize!

The Season of Thanks

As always happens the year is quickly winding down. The last weeks of a year are some of my favorite days. First we come to the most American of holidays--Thanksgiving. In the 21st century we aren’t a very thankful people. Our massive expectations get in the way o true thankfulness. We have become more and more demanding of everyone, including our government. Our attitude is one of entitlement rather than gratitude.

This Thanksgiving season will be a special one at our house. On the day before Thanksgiving, 1965 my wife and I were married. We’ll celebrate 50 years together just a couple of days before our 51st Thanksgiving. The years have gone fast, too fast, but life has been good. We have enjoyed good health, a great family, and meaningful work. It just doesn’t get much better.

We should thank God for life itself. As the old hymn says “Praise God from whom all blessings flow.” The New Testament writer James wrote, “Every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights…” My other holiday favorite is Christmas. Not the commercial event but the birth of the Savior of man. Christmas is actually the greatest day we should show our thanks.

Our next thanks should be to the troops around the world who are defending our way of life. They have sacrificed greatly in time, injury, and even loss of life. Included would be the police and firemen that daily protect us. They will be of even more importance as we face the continuing challenge of terrorism. Theirs is a tough and thankless job so we should encourage them whenever possible. I can’t imagine what life would be like without their efforts.

Our friends and families should also be thanked. Without their love and support, life would be very lonely and much less joyful. It has been said that a friend is someone who knows all about you and still remains a friend. Life doesn’t bring a lot of friends so we should treasure and thank them often. We also often take our families for granted and don’t show them the appreciation they deserve.

We could go on to several other things to be thankful for, but I’ll finish with just one more. We should be very thankful to be an American. We have freedom and privilege like no other people have ever had. We can freely choose our occupation, our home location, and those we associate with. Many don’t have this freedom. We take these all for granted. Another sign of our ingratitude.

So as we enjoy these events of the last weeks of 2015 with family and friends let’s take a moment to say thanks. And if we do develop a spirit of thanksgiving (and a true Christmas spirit) we can carry it with us all year.

Avoiding Micromanaging!

One of the current buzz words of management is micromanaging. In business micromanagement is a management style whereby a manager closely observes or controls the work of subordinates or employees. Often the employee feels smothered and inadequate to the task. Micromanaging can stifle productivity and creativity. Often the message of lack of confidence that is communicated causes absenteeism and ultimately turnover, both are extremely expensive. At the other end of the spectrum is allowing the employee to feel abandoned and without support. Neither is a healthy situation.

Overcoming the tendency to micromanage has no quick fix. Improving the quality of recruiting is a first step. Whether bringing in new employees at the entry level or choosing from among promotion candidates, leadership must be diligent in the recruitment process. Often due to the press of time decisions are made without proper care. When openings are high in quantity or duration panic sets in, poor hiring or promotion practices are employed. Disaster is the result and micromanaging abounds.

When we have selected recruits for our openings, proper training and education must follow. We must aid them in developing skills required for their position and at the same time communicate their role in the organization. Someone has said proper preparation prevents poor performance. When we give them what they need to perform, we won’t feel the need to constantly look over their shoulder. When they know what is expected of them and have the tools to perform, they can build higher confidence in their ability.

The final key in avoiding micromanaging is the building of trust. When the leader has trust we or she only steps in when asked or when it is apparent that the employee is on a course to disaster. We build trust by giving small assignments and building their confidence in getting things done and our confidence in them. The difficulty level of tasks then increases as successes are attained. Skills are added as level of the task is increased.

The trust stage is best accomplished with a high level of communication. As questions arise mentoring skills should be used. The trust we build towards them must also be built in them towards us. In this way the dialogue will allow them a comfort level to ask questions. As the questions come we share our experience and allow them to work their own method in accomplishing the task. Open communications allows the employee to get the information and feedback they need without feeling overwhelmed. The end result is a high level of trust flowing both ways.

Smelling the Coffee!

Over the years I’ve had several advise me to “Stop and smell the coffee!” When I was younger I thought there would always be another moment. Age helps us realize our time is limited and so are our opportunities. In our fast-paced world we often don’t take the time or make the time to enjoy life as it happens. I have found this to be true in at least three areas of life.

First, as we accomplish success at work we forge on to the next project or goal. Before we’ve had time to savor the moment we’re in the middle of a different task. We’re so intent on making things happen that we don’t really get to kick back and enjoy the moment. Later we look back and wish we could have paused and realized what was now past.

The second area we often rush by is those personal goals or our personal “bucket list” of items we plan on doing someday. In 2005 Sharon and I started our annual “Grandkid trips” when we took our four youngest to Orlando. In the hustle and bustle of making sure things were perfect and that we covered all the activities were completed we didn’t “smell the coffee” of that moment in time. This year we had to cancel the trip due to a health issue and realized how big a part the trips had played for ten years.

The third and most important area is that of personal relationships. When someone passes we often have regrets of the time we could have spent and didn’t. Our mothers are 87 and 91. We’ve had opportunity to enjoy the time with them. On the other hand our Dads were 62 and 65 when they passed. How we would have enjoyed more time, but did enjoy what time we had! Several friends have passed this year and I look back and am glad for the moments we had. When I think of them I smile and remember the good times.

In June my sister and a cousin in Wichita both had accidents where vehicles were totaled but injuries weren’t life threatening. I saw a picture of my niece’s car and was thankful for the results. It could have been worse, a lot worse. Once again the importance of “smelling the coffee” became obvious. We never know when an encounter will be our last.

Having a health issue brought future limitations into my mind for the first time. I’ve been blessed with 71 years of good health. My goal is to slow down and enjoy each moment, person, and event to the fullest. We are only here for a very short moment in time. Hopefully we can all learn the lesson of “Smelling the coffee!”

Commencement Revisited!!!

May has rolled around once more. Thoughts of Summer and all the activities abound. Before we are off on the adventures that lay ahead we should pause and think of one of our major traditions- commencement.
One of the rites of passage in Spring or really early Summer are commencement ceremonies. We have them for high school, college, grad school, and probably others I’m not even aware of. The word itself intrigued me because when I graduated I thought that was the end and yet one of the dictionary definitions of commencement is, “a beginning or start.”

After more thought I realized the title was a proper one no matter what the level of achievement. Graduation requirements represent the fulfillment of a set of requirements, while the services signal the start toward the next stage of life, the next set of learning activities. Everyone is required to commence or to ultimately stagnate at some level of attainment!

The high school grad has several potential avenues of commencement. They can go into the work world, go to trade school, or continue on to the collegiate level. Each has its own opportunities and possibilities. One is not better than another, just different. Trade schools offer great possibilities since skilled craftsmen are a much needed quantity in our society. Work offers income and a place to grow while deciding the course for “the rest of a life.” College is most beneficial for the person focused on what they want to pursue as a career.

The baccalaureate graduate also has some hard choices. The decision to enter the work world might be impeded by a scarce present supply of jobs in his or her chosen field. Grad school is another choice. I’ve often told my MBA candidates they differentiate themselves by spending that one more year on campus. Only about one third as many have an advanced degree as those with an undergraduate degree.

When the graduate students have their ceremony it can be a scary finality to it and yet it still a commencement. They must now enter the “real world” and put all those years of formal learning to work in a practical way. They must also learn that real learning has not ended but is just beginning. Their ability to apply their knowledge will determine long term success in their chosen field.

Even those of us who have long since stopped learning in a formal environment must always be open to changes and new ideas. I remember in 1986 when I bought my first computer, I thought it would be my last. Ten machines and many other devices later new knowledge and learning continue. As we get the chance to celebrate the commencements this year let’s remember we have only begun life.

Remembering Bill!

It’s not difficult for me to remember the first time I met Bill Medley. It was the Spring of 1981 and I had just been elected to the USD 465 Board of Education. Jim Reed called and said I was to participate in interviewing candidates for Superintendent. At the district office and later at a local restaurant I met and had my first conversation with Bill and Maxine Medley. We had several good candidates and the decision came down to as Joan Kaufman put it, “When you have a close decision you go with the known quantity.” What a great nine years I had working with Bill, first as colleagues, the he became a mentor, and finally a valued friend.
The next paragraph is an excerpt from one of my earlier columns:
Bill Medley was a high school principal and superintendent in USD 465 for nearly 30 years. Bill became USD 465’s Superintendent the same day I became a new board member in 1981. Several lessons were learned during his tenure, but I will focus on two that I clearly recall. Bill’s goal was to always find them “doing something good.” He included students, teachers, staff, administration, and any other employee. The other lesson was his ability to start the seed of an idea, throw it out to an audience, and watch it come back in developed form. Bill was an example of Emerson’s old quote, “there is no limit to what can be accomplished if it doesn’t matter who gets the credit.” Bill was a master at giving credit and conversely, taking the blame.
It is also not difficult to remember my last two conversations with Bill. I was working in my yard last Fall and he stopped and we visited. He told me how his son Forrest made copies of one of my writings about him and handed them out to employees. We made a plan for me to have coffee with him the next week. At out meeting we reminisced about some of the accomplishments of our time together. Each idea that worked he recalled how I had developed it with him at a board meeting or a trip to Topeka. My recollection was that mostly they were Bill’s ideas that the board and administrators helped develop. That was Bill.
At his celebration service Brilla Scott mentioned his many of his accomplishments and ended saying she thought his proudest was returning to the community he loved as superintendent. I would agree with that and further say that being on the board that brought him back is also one of my proudest moments also. Our thoughts and prayers are with Maxine, Forrest, Jennifer, and the rest of the family. He will be missed!